White Noise Wonders

In an effort to smash out the last drips and drabs of the new video I have resorted to listening to white noise and ambient sounds on my headphones. I remember seeing some colleagues doing this about 7 years ago, I turned my nose up at it to begin with but I used it a fair bit while doing some lockdown writing. It helps to draw out distractions and focus up the brain into a work version of fight or flight. It works a treat, until a little cat starts acting up and climbing up places she shouldn't... I've now made a little lounge zone for the cat in the dining room so she can *calmly* hang out with me if she so desires.

The Quest to Finish Baldur's Gate

Chiseling away at my two big January projects, my video and Baldur's Gate 3. Like the month itself, the end is in sight for these things - it's been a strange thing to clock into my writing desk during the day and log onto my PC for games in the evening with familiar routine. Once either of them no longer have their hooks in me I I'll be wandering around like a free man. Just a little further to go.

All of us Strangers

A return to Monday means a return to my writing desk. I'm getting so close now to having a first draft done, the goal I've set myself is for the end of this week. I need some real time away from it so I can come back to it with objective eyes. I am pleased with it so far though, but there's a few directions I could take it that I'm not sure if I should run with just yet.

Cheap cinema tickets beckoned Rebecca and me uptown to see All of us Strangers, here's my little thought nugget on it.

The film cultivated a feeling not unlike the sensation of floating in a large, lukewarm bath. Dip your head underwater and you'll hear the blood rush and the water reverberate, you press your wrinkles fingers together harder than usual to feel despite the numbness. In that space you think a little about a lot of things, thoughts meander as you struggle to push out the knowledge the water is getting ever colder until it's too much to bear. As you reach for the towel you try to recall your bath thoughts, but like a dream they fade away. No conclusive thoughts, just strong vibes and the words to all the things you regret leaving unsaid.

Ghosts (UK)

Another Sunday come and gone as a new week knocks on the door. A friend popped their heads round for some afternoon games, but otherwise it was just Rebecca and me continuing to take it easy. We realized we didn't have a shared TV show to watch at the moment. Succession would have been a great point of call but subscription services are so pricey these days. So we hopped into iPlayer to try out Ghosts which pressed most of our buttons. Glad we didn't click on the US version by mistake though!

Professional Cat Sitter?

The past few weekends have been chokka for us so it was amazing today to just have it all to ourselves. I'm approaching the end of the massive video game I'm playing at the moment, I nearly bounced off it last weekend as the world got so much bigger towards the finale. But I had today to commit a hearty chunk of time to enjoy myself and take it one step at a time. 

I did a small bit of work today in the form of creating an online profile for a cat sitting website. While I continue to wait for the next job to come to town I figured it was an easy, nin committal way to make a very extra pounds. Might get to meet some cute cats along the way too, it's a win win! My profile needs to be appro by the powers that be, afterwards I'm off to the races.

Ra

Breakfast coffee, midday coffee, afternoon coffee. The holy triforce of caffeine that gets me through most everyday. In between cups of hot brown liquid I sit at my desk and write. At a glacial pace this new essay is coming together, every day it feels like I have a new epiphany that I feel compelled to tell the world about. I'm specifically looking into the function of nostalgia at hte moment. Like wisdom teeth and the appendix, it feels like an arbitrary feature of being human, but I have come around to the idea that it serves a valuable function (so long as you don't let that emotion consume you). I'm really excited to share my thoughts but it just needs a bit longer in the oven to make sure it's polished and in a place that I'd be proud to put my name next to.

Once the 'working' day was done I filled my backpack with board games and strolled up the road. I haven't been to the local games night for about a month for one reason or another and tonight was one of the best. A great crowd of people helped a lot (nerdy, but they weren't defined by their love of the hobby), we all played each other's games and got a good kick out of them. I bought my copy of Ra along in case we had a good player count - I've had it since my Birthday and only really played it the once. The crowd were super eager to try it and fell in love with it immediately. So much so they asked if I could bring it next week. I gotta clear my social calendar now!

Burns Night 2024

 Moments after slurping down my morning coffee I was whipping cream and mashing raspberries through a sieve. Tonight was Burns Night and I was making dessert as usual - cranachan to be exact. It felt lovely not having to make 15 mini portions for the folks at work. This year was just me, Louis, Rebecca and Rachel once again tucked around a dining table with haggis and deconstructed neeps & tatties. We hadn't seen those guys since their trip to the States so we had plenty to catch up on, watching videos of Louis skiing and hearing about their exploits was a ton of fun.

Blood on the Clocktower

A large chunk of my day was spent building up for a long evening activity out in town. A friend and I signed up to play a game of Blood on the Clocktower (think wink murder/werewolves on steroids). So I sat in a group of 14 strangers and sipped my inclusive pint, quietly preparing my epic bluffs and potential web of lies. About 2 hours in I realized I had mostly checked out of the big debates over who was good and who was evil. Seeing through people's lies and the ensuing drama just doesn't light my fire in a social space as it turns out. To the games credit it did keep me semi involved after I had been murdered and the promise of a sentiant storyteller should make games spicy. In practice, being dead is still dull and the storytellers were ego tripping. The biggest lie I told tonight is when someone asked if I'd be around next week. 'Maybe...'

Society of the Snow

Irrespective of the Oscar nominations coming out today, Rebecca and I watch Society of the Snow - a film about a famous survival story of a plane crash over the Andes in 1972. It was a real triumph overall, some genuinely impressive film making on display here thanks in part to some of the harrowing set pieces but also in the films pace and focus. There is an awful of of humanity on display here, the story obviously evokes that but the narration drives it home without ever feeling mawkish. That and the smaller moments of kindness the camera takes us to, the way a friend is buried and the diary entries they write to no one. Chuffed to see it nominated for best foreign picture - godspeed to it.

Bone Yard

I had totally forgotten about one of writing techniques to curb paralysis. Introducing the Bone Yard. Whenever I overwrite paragraphs or have floating sentences I'm proud of but can't quite slot anywhere I sometimes just keep them on the page, this leads to me overthinking where to put them and then growing attached to them. If I delete them though, I might really miss them. So, I highlight any errant sentence, Ctrl+cut, and paste them I to a brand, spanking new word document where they go to die. At least I can call upon them again if I really need them, but just freeing up space is just the ticket for me right now.

I didn't just cull today though, there was a mighty yield of chicken stock to be had. House smells great and I live in bliss knowing that a handful of future meals will be enhanced tenfold by meaty broth.

Anchovey-less

 Took our guests up to the North Street market for coffee and a bite to eat. They mostly wanted to see if they could get some 'posher than supermarket' style anchovies, I thought we'd be inundated with canned specialty fish in that neck of the woods. Alas, best we could find was a jar costing £6 which was far too steep. They went back to London anchovy-less, but not before a few more card games.

Once the house was back to normal I cooked up a roast for the two of us and Rebecca played more of my new game than I did! You play as a translator in a far off land and you have to interpret glyphs and speech eventually threading together their language. It's riveting stuff and very gratifying once you guess a set of stuff correctly. We warped out minds together for a spell until my brain was exhausted - hope that means I'll sleep well tonight.

The Bigger the Breakfast...

 Rustled up a breakfast banquet for our weekend crowd. We talking sausages, eggs, bacon, toast, avocado, mushrooms, hash brown and fried on-the-vine tomatoes. I'll be dreaming about that breakfast all week while I tuck into my fruit and fibre. 

That wasn't the day's highlight however as we took them out to Chance & Counters for a few hours of board game goodness. Camel Up was a big hit alongside Just One. A few drinks were enjoyed there and on the way home we did a kinda pub crawl + pizza. Just good vibes all round basically.

Extending Hospitality

Hit the shops so we could line our cupboards and impress our weekend guests with our hospitality. The house was hoovered within an inch of its life and the cat was lashing out all day on account of the changes happening around her. Now everyone is tucking into bed under this one roof and everything feels pretty good in the world. We got the cat bunking with us tonight too, fingers and toes crossed she behaves herself.

Breathing in the Air

Forced myself to go out on a short walk after experiencing a heavy bit of writers block. I didn't mind the fact it was the coldest day so far, being able to breathe in all that frozen air was a big plus for the most part. Crikey, I'm sounding like a Covid shut in now... It cleared my head but unfortunately I still couldn't get into the swing of it. Like a fool I tried to brute force myself to finish one section, when it didn't come naturally I kept trying and trying but that accomplished nothing. I should know better and just walk away from a bit like that if it's causing me grief and do an easier bit.

Tomorrow I'll be doing the big food shop for the weekend. We have 3 guests over from Friday night to Sunday so they'll be getting full English breakfasts and a continental feast too. Basically aspirational meals that we never normally have but it is nice to make a fuss.

Value of Writing

Writing, restructuring, copy and pasting, that was my day in a nutshell. The deeper I get into this one the more valuable I start to believe it is to exist. That might sound a touch narcissist but when you've been carrying around thoughts on a handful of subjects for years but haven't found a means if expressing it yet... Well, it just feels nice to meditate on it, then shape it into words. I'm currently living by the mantra that 'Writing is discovery', every day I sit down and learn something new about myself (and how I regard video games). I'm finding a lot more contentment in that side of things, especially now I've hit 30.

Commiserating Coffee

Got invited to an impromptu coffee hangout with a few old colleagues of mine. All chaps that were leagues ahead in the industry, yet we all commiserated on the lack of any job nibbles for us to latch onto. At least there's a degree of humility to this work drought. We all made a covert blood pact to try to find each other work, I just hope we all land on our feet soon enough. Just a few short months ago we were hanging out in the production truck doing good work on a good show, no doubt there's a place for us all out there.

Blue Monday 2024

Weird how, Rebecca, Dad and I all independently remarked on how January is dragging, only for us all to remember that today is Blue Monday. We're all gritting our teeth and riding out this storm - quite literally as the week gets colder. I'll be at my writing desk if you need me, developing original thoughts and reorienting the point of attack for my next video. Writing is rewriting after all.

Dragging January

Back in Bristol now after a short stint in London. We all woke up quite late in account of everyone getting a bit sloshed at a get together. Rebecca and I cooked breakfast for the family, scrambled eggs and bacon does in fact have healing properties and we all perked up quickly after eating. 

Our cat was chuffed to see us home again, she was loloping around the place practically begging for strokes, who am I to deny a cute cat? Rebecca and I are both dragging our heels at the prospect of another week ahead. January is dragging a mite and it's only meant to get colder this week...

Pontoon

Rebecca took a trip out to a routie appointment in London so I used that time to read and write. While scribbling in my notebook an original thought was conceived and a truth was uncovered. A mantra I wholeheartedly believe in states that 'writing is discovery' and I struck personal gold while sat on the family sofa. 

In the evening we ventured out for what I consider to be the last of the Christmas get togethers with some friends of Rebecca's family. Traditionally we drink, eat, drink, play Pontoon then drink some more. I rekindled a love for limoncello and drunkenly vowed to learn how to make it in time for next year. Only time will tell if I make good on that anecdotal promise.

63 Up

Arose a little earlier this morning so I could finish off the last installment of the Up Documentaries. 63 Up was the most reflective piece yet, even though no one knew it may we'll be the final one, there's an unmistakable sense of winding down. The subjects are prompted into the purpose of the program more actively and all give a life affirming answer. It's been a rare pleasure to see these films, the more I think about it the more appreciative I become of the whole project and everything it achieves.

I'm back in London tonight with Rebecca to do our last Christmas social activity. This one is always belated but it doesn't feel like the new year has properly started until hands have been shaken and wine has been drunk.

Bash Bash Bash

Ran a few errands this morning and begun applying for a very promising sounding little gig. Just hammering in the final additions to my CV and then it's time to cross my fingers and my toes. Otherwise I cracked on at my writing desk where I'm getting bogged further and further down by overthinking and underwriting. I suppose that's occasionally my curse, I enjoy doing it, but sometimes it really is like bashing my head against a wall. Sometimes that yields results, more often than not I disappoint myself. Maybe I need some time away from it so I can reapproach it with a fresh perspective?

Bad Times = Good Times

 Wednesdays are fast becoming the designated games night for Dan, Mark and me. Our continued quest on Baldur's Gate 3 (Dungeons and Dragons to the layman) saw us get into a legitimately perilous encounter in the goblin camp. Mark's accidental bloodlust forced every enemy to swarm us instantly so we let our blades and magic do the talking instead. Just as we thought we had everything under control, an imp casually shoved me into the underground dungeon full of giant spiders (why'd it have to be me?!) Through continued ingenuity we came out with only the kind of scarring that exists within, and all the merrier for the bad times gone south.

56 Up

Still working my way through the Up Documentaries. After finishing today's installment I only have one more left to go. Such a profound thing to see people grow up and grow old, and now in 56 Up the subjects are becoming increasingly whistful as they look back over the years. I'm watching them mostly for research for my next project, but I often find myself with pen and notepad stowed away, watching only to enjoy the time capsule crack open once again.

Tired (Behind the Eyes)

Last night I was so ready to face Monday. Then Monday happened. I'm still on the writing hustle this week, I even set up my desk with a pitcher of water and a hot water bottle to get me cemented in one spot. By try as I might, I couldn't ignore a wearyness that I'd associate with having a cold. That tiredness behind the eyes, the urge to close them, never to be opened again kinda thing. I did get some nice stuff on the page but less than I would have liked which is always a bummer.

Hazy Memories

Got the house ready for a social call with some very old friends. One of which used to be my very best friend when I was growing up. We played board games and later took a stroll down memory lane, discussing times from nearly 20 years ago - each of us completing our hazy memories of events from our collective childhoods. The time went almost too quickly though and Monday comes a-knocking so we all scattered back to reality.

The Boy and The Heron

Rebecca and I indulged in a very, very lazy Saturday. I basically went a little square eyed from playing video games all day (ah, I miss those kinda days). But I needed to blow the cobwebs out of my mental rafters so we took a walk... To an even bigger screen to watch The Boy and the Heron, the latest film from Studio Ghibli.

It brings me no joy to say this one fell a little flat for me. The imagery is undeniably stunning however. The dream world has a painterly quality, evocative of a wealth of moods and textures. Death and rebirth are the most obvious themes the film harks towards, The Isle of Death makes a very subtle early apperance and you can read deeply into almost any other of the etherial environments. (And hey, if that's your bag, all the more power to ya.)

Despite all that, the film fails to cash in on the vibe it cultivates. The hero doesn't change, nor meaningfully influenced after what should be an identity defining journey. No lessons are learnt in this space, stuff happens and then we're whisked off to the nex scenario. It's a conveyor belt of beauty and imagination, but without anything propping up that beauty, it just registers as superficial.

+ points for the parakeets
- points for a woefully abrupt ending.

Nonfiction Rules!

My writing desk morphed into my reading nook today. Currently a lot of the stuff I've written for the new video is a 'm o o d' but none of it feels substantiated just yet. Writing about nostalgia is a tricky business as it's such an intimate and nebulous topic, but I found a book online to read that I ended up hoovering up. I only sat down to read the intro paragraph but ended up reading the whole thing! I scribbled down endless notes, then chatted with Rebecca about it all and NOW I feel like I have a point to make for my writing! Pretty successful little session.

Sidebar. Where have nonfiction books been all my life? In my mind it always had a stigma, instead it's like learning but cool. I can feel myself becoming a better and more interesting person when I read them.

7 Fishes

I had lofty ambitions to get up early to sneak in a bit more video game time but the draw of the pillow was too great this morning. Instead I sat at my writing desk a little earlier and committed more hours than usual to try and unpick what I'm trying to say in my next YouTube video. I have a lot of 'vibes' in my head but I'm still lacking the cement to glue it all together. A few brainwaves today gave me a little more to go on but right now I just need to keep on bashing my head against the page.

12th night is tomorrow so we had just enough time to enjoy the tree and watch the Christmas episode of The Bear under its light. I wasn't especially Christmassy (and that was very much the point of it) but it was some riveting TV. It takes the dysfunctional family dynamic and turns that screw very gradually over a Christmas meal. I winced, I laughed, I held may hands over my eyes.

Baldur's Gate 3

Dan stoked the engine fire for the hype train of Baldur's Gate 3 - the most decorated game of last year. It's basically pre-baked Dungeons and Dragons campaign with great writing and voice acting. It also happens to be multiplayer, so after spending far too long in the character creator Mark, Dan and I dove into a new adventure together. I can already see why the game is so beloved, but handing the narrative reigns to Mark (who is notoriously a bit of a chaotic neutral wild card) already means I'm seeing new forks in the story and ways characters react to events. We played for a few hours and it's already created a handful of 'you had to be there' funny moments - It's a hoot so far!

Uncharted (The Movie)

Off the back of my mini goal to watch more films this year I saw 49 Up (for research purposes) followed by the Uncharted movie with Rebecca. The latter is based on a video game and, big surprise, it wasn't especially good. I'm also trying to write more reviews on LetterBoxd these days, please indulge me if I repost my thoughts here from time to time:

I can't quite put my finger on why this film doesn't quite hit the same highs as the games...

Maybe it's the lack of charm, theming and pathos in the story. Maybe it's because its most inspired set pieces are copy+pasted from the games. Maybe it's because the 'real' villain is as interesting as a wet piece of cardboard. Maybe it's because there's no involving historical intrigue in the central treasure hunt. Maybe it's because Mark Wallburg looks like he got lost on his way to interview for the next Oceans film.

...Like I said, it's really hard to put my finger on why.

Saltburn

As is customary with all Jan 1sts, the day is somewhat squandered by the acts of the night before. We reap what we sow in this life, but a late start to the morning is a fair price for a fun New Year's Eve party. We visited a friend of ours for the afternoon, spending a few hours with them and their dog - a very civil way to start the year. I then acted on one of my mini New Year resolutions: to watch a few more modern movies. Saltburn seemed like a good place to start seeing as it hit streaming... Let's just say I'm glad I didn't pay admission to watch it because it got worse with every passing minute. I was never sure whom to empathize with, or who to root for as even when you think you got the measure of someone, the film laughs in your face for ever caring anymore. It thinks it's clever and subversive for doing this but it just reads as smug and undeveloped. When nothing in your film really matters, why should I even bother to care?

Hello, 2024

Another year behind us, who would have thought it would come around so quickly?

2023 was a strange old year for me. I basically rolled into it on Rivals, never quite catching a breath to consider the implications of a long old job like that. It was an all consuming gig for sure but it did introduce me to a lot of new people and a lot of new opportunities. I got a full suite of responsibilities on the shoot, taking care of 2nd Unit days and more importantly, learning the craft of the Script Supervisor. At long last I'm taking a step up the rungs of my career ladder, let's hope it's a fruitful step.

As for personal milestones, there's been a lot of growth too. I left Europe for the first time ever to go on a well deserved jaunt to Canada - aside from interailing, that has probably been the best holiday I've ever been on. I returned to YouTube for a bit and garnered 14 thousand views for a little project I didn't think would resonate with others as hard as it did. 

I feel I've become a little insular last year however. Perhaps I've not taken as much care to maintain some friendships or to take bigger social risks. I'm not the one for resolutions these days, but developing that side of me would be my goal for 2024. Here's to a New Year and a (fractionally) better me.

 

Best Game: Resident Evil 4 (Probably)

Best Film: Aftersun

Best Album: The Head Hurts but the Heart Knows the Truth